The last time I blogged was when Xanga was popular and facebook was just for college students. I was one of those said college students and most of my posts were directed to friends about the goings on. This is different. College is now 6 years behind. I have been married for over 3 years and working for a company I love for 4.5 years. My faith in my Savior Jesus has grown as my theology has deepened. I started to attend a new church right before I got married (due to marrying my husband) and have been sitting under the teaching of a very faithful pastor; he has a love for Jesus which is shown through his diligence in handling the Bible; he is dedicated to bringing us truth even if it isn’t popular. The church has become a new family who love me despite the sinner that I am.
These things that have changed since college (husband, job, church) have all been means of grace. These are not the only means of grace that have been in my life, just new. I have had faithful friends and family whose kindness and love I can’t replace.
Four years ago I started a journey, a journey of my body falling a part. It started with a 2 week bought of tonsillitis and continued with sickness after sickness (flus, sinus infections, bronchitis) and other weird things. Then chronic pain, headaches, fatigue and other uncomfortable things. In April of this year, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. It is an odd diagnosis, because a doctor can’t do a tests for this. It was diagnosed after all other scary things are ruled out (cancer, lupus, MS, Lymes disease and many more). It is a diagnosis that I believe to be correct, because I am a classic case with all the symptoms. After I told a good friend about this, she said she couldn’t believe this wasn’t suggested before.
You see, Fibromyalgia has such a bad stigma. I remember the night before going to the doctor and being so anxious about the possibility of this diagnosis. You would think that cancer would have been a bigger concern. It was in the back of my mind, but more so was Fibromyalgia. The stigma is that people with Fibromyalgia are just lazy, crazy or exaggerate. I have spent hours reading through medical journals and books to understand this. For now, I have made lots of changes in life to help limit the symptoms as there is no known cause or cure. There has been lots of progress, some answers, but more questions and daily dealing with a body that doesn’t just work. Like today, I woke up at 4 am and my right arm just wouldn’t work. However, this blog post isn’t really about Fibromyalgia. Rather, it is about my journey in coming to grips with a world cursed by sin and a body still under that curse. It is a journey of suffering and bitterness. It is a journey of joy, joy not found in things of this earth, but of hope to come. It is a journey of faith, seeing God’s present faithfulness and trusting in future grace. It is journey in God’s redeeming hand refining me so that I may be complete, lacking in nothing.
I’m not sure what will be included in this blog. Some days I may just post a verse or encouraging thought, others I may share a new medical discovery or a great recipe. All of this as I hash out being a daughter redeemed with a chronic illness. God is so faithful; may He be made much of in this.